Java's Whimsy

Grief Changes You

2011-11-28T15:36:00.001-07:00

My dad died on a Tuesday. He died four Tuesdays ago tomorrow. I suppose Tuesday will always have an edginess to it from this point forward.

I remember participating in a grief class just before my Grandma's death six years ago. The facilitator told us that grief changes you. I heard the words. I knew what they meant. I had experienced grief. I had lost a job. I wasn't all that crazy about the job, so that loss was not a painful loss. I'd been divorced. That was extremely painful. I still feel that pain. I could see how there was some truth in that little string of words. I could see that I had felt the pains and that I had changed as a result of those pains.

When my Grandma passed away that following April, I remember waking up the next morning and feeling like she'd left without me. My heart ached. I rolled over, buried my face in the feather pillow and cried. I wanted to hold her hand. I wanted to sit with her. I wanted to make tea for her and tuck her into her chair. I felt then that grief really does change you.

I think for me, the horror of my dad's cancer hit me like a two-by-four across the kidneys when I heard the diagnosis this July. I knew my dad was dying. I knew there was nothing I could do to change that he was "leaving". Don't get me wrong, there were definitely times I would hope that he would call and tell me the cancer was gone and I could count on another twenty-five years of having my dad in my life. But then my cynical voice would whisper those cruel things like, "But Kelly! He has LUNG CANCER! It's LATE STAGE 4 lung cancer! The cancer is already in his lymph system, and his adrenal system and his bones, and his brain." Then, my heart would sink again.

Thanksgiving was the first big holiday without my dad. I dreaded Thanksgiving. I saw on so many people's Facebook pages and blogs how they were thinking of gratitude every day in November. I could barely even think let alone focus on gratitude. I tried. I tried by creating my lists of five. That was a very uncomfortable challenge. I felt like there really wasn't much for which I could express Thanksgiving.

Sometimes, I try to engage with friends who have not endured this horror. I know they mean well. But I really need them to know that this isn't something you feel sad about for a few days and then just jump back up and are ready to go forward. I felt like some of my friends think it is like when your goldfish dies, you just flush his body down the toilet, wash your hands and then go buy another goldfish! This is NOT like that at all! Another friend when I told her I wished there was something I could do or say to help her prepare for this deep ache. She told me she is not afraid of death. Grief is not a fear of death. It is loss. It is mourning. It is a time of deep, intense sorrow. It is grief. Those two concepts are completely unrelated. Grief is ugly. Grief is painful. Grief is life-changing.

My dad's life is over and my life is forever different. There is no delete key on this one. There is no second chance.

I need my friends to understand I need a lot of love and tenderness right now. In all honesty, I don't feel like I can ask for understanding because it is a space that unless you've lost a parent...you simply cannot understand.

My sister sent me a text message this weekend that read: "I have cried so many tears I think I look like a different person!" I knew what she meant. I looked in the mirror last weekend and these dark circles under my eyes almost seem to suggest a facial structure change...and not a good one, either! I wrote back and told her I felt like I had aged a lot since November 1st. I feel it in my physical self, and my psyche.

I concur! Grief does change you. I feel like everything has been rewritten. I absolutely hate that my life stories have a point of "before dad died" and a point of "after dad died".... Really! I hate that I can't still have the innocence that my friends have that you think it is so easy to "just snap out of it!" or just decide to be happy!

Damn!

If only it were that easy.

On a different subject: There was a small window when I didn't mind utilizing the art of self portraiture. That window happened when I was younger, happier and a whole lot more confident. I knew self-portraits were helpful when my kids were younger and I didn't have very many photos of myself. But then one day, I noticed how I have more wrinkles and I looked older. I suddenly felt shy again about photos of myself. I didn't want anymore photos of me.

I read a blog somewhere...for the life of me, I can't remember which one...but I have seen a few different blogkeepers out there who suggest harnessing the power of self-portraiture. I think I have seen projects called 52 Fridays. I decided that Tuesday would be my self-portraiture day. I named my project 52 Tuesdays. I don't know if there is really anything to be gained from a project like this. Maybe there is? For now, I see a sad, 41-year-old woman who is trying to adjust to her new normal. Hopefully, that sad woman will re-emerge soon with a smile on her face. She will be changed, but I hope she will smile again. Hopefully, in the span of 52 Tuesdays, I will see that change.

Gratitude

2011-11-16T16:21:00.001-07:00

It might be time for another short list of five things for which I feel grateful:

Twizzlers
computers and gadgets with which to "Geek out"
family
holiday music
sweet, little snow flurries that set my heart a-flutter!

2011-11-13T15:12:00.001-07:00

In this moment, I am grateful for:

Music - and the power it possess to allow us to be, do, feel everything we need to be, do or feel in the moment.

The smell - of dinner cooking. Hubby is cooking ribs for dinner. I can hardly wait.

41 years - with my dad.

Internet - friends and communities

Photoshop - and being able to create art without getting out from under the covers of my bed today...no messy clean-up, either!

Purring - orange kitties

Down Comforters - Just nothing like 'em!

candles - their warm glow and aromas...are so soothing

quiet moments - to allow for restful periods for my frazzled brain.

Will I Ever Recover From This?

2011-11-12T17:40:00.001-07:00

I thought that I was going to be okay. But I wasn't.

I helped with the printing of the programs. Helping felt good. It was sad, but feeling useful was good for me.

Yesterday was my dad's memorial service in South Carolina. There were a lot of eleven's yesterday that will forever remain significant to me. The memorial service started at the beginning of the eleventh hour on the eleventh day of the eleventh month of the year 2011. I wanted to go, but our financial situation is not favorable for lots of travel. I decided that I would travel later to the Inurnment. That way, my kids could join us, too.

I counted down the hours to the service; then counted down the minutes. I was a scatterbrained mess. Focusing on any task was next to impossible. I just couldn't do it. I tried shopping for a few things, but I ended up putting the items back on the shelves and walking out of the store without spending a penny. I cried so many tears. This makes me worry about the final piece...the burial. I hope I can keep it together.

I listened to Avril Lavigne's Slipped Away about ten times. I spent a significant amount of time watching Muppets snippets on YouTube. (My dad LOVED The Muppet Show and Fraggle Rock!) I listened to "The Point" by Harry Nilsson twice. ~~I cried~~. I sobbed. I miss my dad. I think I had three mini panic attacks throughout the day. My throat felt tight! The room started to spin! I couldn't breathe! I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I close my eyes tight and and the tears came easily. Crying was the only thing that helped relieve the heartache....and it didn't really even take the hurt away.

I have been showered with a lot of love. That has been wonderful. I have had so many of my friends whom I have never met in person reach out in such loving support. It truly makes up for the cold shoulder others have given since I received the diagnosis in July. Cancer isn't contagious! Why did some of my friends desert me in my hour of need? I couldn't believe some of the insensitivity I witnessed! I know that each human being precesses death and grief differently. I am so thankful for the friends who have stood by me asking for Skype sessions even though my eyelids are purple and blistered from the copious amounts of salty tears that have washed over them and been wiped away. And the friends who have offered me such loving advice for coping with this pain. And for the encouragement to use this experience to grow. I am not able to accept it as that just yet. Maybe soon?

My guess is that this is only the beginning...I can see that this grief journey is going to be a long one. For now, I need to feel it. I need to cry. I need to move through this at my own pace. My mom tells me this painful sting never goes away. Never?!?! This is the most excruciating thing I have ever endured. The grief I felt with my divorce was painful. The grief I felt from the death of my grandmother was painful. This grief is beyond comprehension. I wonder if I will ever recover!

I could feel it. In July, when my dad got the diagnosis, I could feel that everything was being completely rewritten. My stories, my identity, my history, my future....EVERYTHING! This experience has truly been life changing. I don't like it! I don't want to accept it.

I don't have a choice!

Grief hurts.

Now, I face a year of firsts! First Thanksgiving (without Dad), First Christmas (without Dad).

Violent Thunder

2011-11-03T23:25:00.000-06:00

It's quiet.
It's dark.
I feel alone
...and deeply sad.
The words: "He's gone." boom through my heart and head
...like violent thunder.
I feel those rumblings all throughout my body...this is excruciating.

What is Dada?

2011-10-29T23:36:00.000-06:00

This was not intended to be "pretty art." During my thought process, this painting was supposed to be "ugly." I tried really hard to create something using Surrealistic characteristics. At this time, I just can't seem to wrap my brain around it. It was taking a lot of brain power. I decided to explore a bit of Dadaism. In my research, I discovered that Dada was kind of a "Anti-everything" movement...perhaps even "anti-art"?

My dad is dying of lung cancer and last night, I realized, I may never talk with my dad again. My day was filled with tears and sadness. All I could think of was, "Cancer? HOW DARE YOU!?"

This piece started of with a child-like mixed media composition. The sky was painted red because red is the color of love. I love my dad. Red is also a color for grabbing attention. I painted the sun and hills in typically symbolic colors. I used a magic marker to draw in stick figures. One larger was to be the daddy and the smaller figure a girl child. The figures were flying a kite. This was a memory I recalled while working on this piece. When I had that picture the way I wanted it, I ruined it by slopping black randomly over the picture. Black represents cancer. I had to use a hair dryer for this piece. The paint was thick. When it was as dry as I could get it without spending the entire day drying the painting, I painted the words. The mis-spelling of the word cancer serves a dual purpose: One purpose is this entire painting was to have a child's perspective as I feel quite small, helpless and powerless (like a child) today. A small child might spell this word phonetically. The second purpose is I want to insult cancer with this art.I know that when my daughter finds her name spelled incorrectly, she is insulted.

I see this mixed media art as a bit of a cross of Dadaism with the offensive language and Expressionism with the intense emotional messages both verbal and non-verbal.

**When I first created this blog, I wanted it to only be for happy and positive things. Well, it just so happens that I am a divine being having a human experience. Humans were graced with a full range of emotions. I happen to be the lucky owner of just such a set. This process of my dad's cancer diagnosis and losing my dad has shed a very different light on so many aspects in my life. I think differently about so much. I like this new light. I just wish it hadn't come with such a hefty price tag.

I Wish

2011-10-24T21:26:00.000-06:00

I wish....

I wish I had a magic wand.
I wish there was a cure for cancer.
I wish my dad wasn't dying.
I wish he didn't have so much pain.
I wish I could make it better.
I wish I could understand it all.

I wish I could know why God thinks He needs my dad more than I do.

I wish I wouldn't have to fear what it will be like without him when the time comes.

The Beginning

2011-10-17T22:17:00.002-06:00

Kelly Mitchell

"The Beginning" 2011

11" x 14"

acrylic on canvas

I don't know what it is. I started out with a poem here. I wanted it to accompany this painting. I saw the words...black and beautiful swimming in the sea of white and the cursor blinked....begging for more words. "Blink! Blink!" In my mind it equaled "More! More!"

I froze.

I reminded myself: I can do this.

I am not afraid of stringing words together with words to express my thoughts. Nevertheless, I pulled my paper journal out from under my keyboard. I opened the covers to a blank page and transferred the words from the screen onto a blue-lined page in my current composition notebook journal.

My mind is tired.

I liked where I was headed with that string of words and I want to refine them more before I share them.

Is that really it? Or am I dealing with a piece of self-doubt? Maybe it is both. Whatever the case, I am going to be a deleter for now and I will share the words soon.

This painting! When I look at it, I feel so happy. I couldn't wait to share it with my loved ones. Right now, it hangs in my dining room.

Attitude of Gratitude:

the smell of fresh-brewed coffee in the morning
the howling wind outside my window as I type
my health
inspirational music
sketchbooks

I'll Take Manhattan....Kansas, That Is!

2011-10-13T12:40:00.001-06:00

I have been extremely blessed to have witnessed some very awe-inspiring sunrises. My kids attend schools that require us to drive a short distance from our home and each morning, the sky looks so markedly different from the day before.

On my birthday, the sunrise was the most beautiful pink. When the sight first came into view, I was speechless. I just gasped. Kaitlyn smiled and said, "You see that Mom? That is for you." I couldn't help believing she was right...it was my birthday after all and a sunrise like that really set the day off on the right foot. I went to reach for my camera, but I had left it at home. I was so disappointed.

I love how in the light similar to the photo I have shared here, any object is perfectly silhouetted.

I was apprehensive about living in Kansas. People tend to stereotype it. I will say that a lot of Kansas is flat, but where I live, there are rolling hills and rivers and .... really beautiful sunrises.

Ten Things I Love:

sunrises shared with people I love
jingle bells in Kitties' collars
spiced chai lattes
bamboo knitting needles
red pears
seat warmers
amber sunlight
mint
hubby's sweet iced tea
soft, clean sheets

What are you loving .... right this minute?

It's Beautiful Here

2011-10-09T12:29:00.000-06:00

2011-10-06T11:18:00.000-06:00

...a little graphic, poetry....and a new list of five things for which I am grateful...

God's beautiful artistry in Autumn
poetry
t-shirts
quiet time
ball point pens

Do you have a list of five things for which you feel grateful?

A New List of Five

2011-10-05T14:17:00.005-06:00

A walk in the park with Kaitlyn this morning ... Starbucks in hand. The leaves were so beautiful.
short afternoon naps
my camera
Hubby is cooking dinner tonight
text messages

2011-10-04T09:05:00.000-06:00

I haven't been here in quite a while. I miss it. I crave it. I hear it calling my name...inviting me to come here to reconnect while I disconnect. I have barely taken photos. I have snapped many with my camera phone, but my brain has been so clouded by sadness, busy-ness and depression that I think I almost forgot that I love to capture lovely beautiful of the world around me.

I decided that today would be a great day to start back into a pattern here with a list of five. I used to create these on a daily basis to keep my spirits high. I would look around me and feel grateful for just five little things. It worked like magic.

In this moment, I feel an attitude of gratitude for:

watercolors
School - I am truly excited about my education. I love what I am investing my time in learning.
My children - my wonderful teachers have taught me so very much about life.
The recent visit I got to have with my mother. Our time together was beautiful...and the pie I baked was freaking amazing!
Amazon.com - I love that I can order a book and get it in a few days.

Thank you FishyFishyFishy for your patience and gentle reminders to come back to the blogosphere. I cannot wait to get to meet your precious little boy!

In the Eye of the Beholder

2011-08-02T22:19:00.005-06:00

Art. It's a funny thing isn't it?

When we drove through Nashville a couple of weeks ago, we went inside a Starbucks in Downtown Nashville. I'm not certain, but I think ti was definitely the historic part of Nashville....but each of us picked our poison and then climbed the stairs to the sitting area where we found some really neat displays of art from local artists. One piece was on a vertically oriented rectangular canvas. The background was gray and on that gray background were painted three squares. Kaitlyn and I stood there looking at the piece. She looked at me and said, "Really? It's just squares! I could do THAT!" I recall thinking the same thing .... that I could do it, too! Then we looked at the four-digit price tag.

I stood there looking at it some more and realized that when I create my own art, there is usually some reason. A reason for the alignments, a reason for the colors, a reason for the texture... In my own art, I like to include the number five somehow. My children all know why five is significant. I asked myself if there was some kind of hidden communication in this piece that included three squares. Kaitlyn was certain the whole piece was "just random" but I was sure there was a bit of color theory blended into the piece and the squares were aligned neatly within one another....but not so perfectly placed on the canvas.

To some who view art, it probably is just random and crazy. For others, there is a communication. I hope for that artist someone understands the message that was being communicated and is willing to hand over their plastic money for it to hang it in their office. I hope that because I like to hear of successful artists.

I plan to be one soon!

Juliette Avenue

2011-07-29T21:45:00.005-06:00

On a lark, I convinced hubby that I needed to go to Manhattan to complete a photography assignment. He agreed to drive.

I spied this neat church and asked him to loop the block so I could use it for the background of my photo. I knew I wanted an intersection, too, so I could record some motion. I am pretty happy with this photo.

Today was a lovely day. I think I have decided that I ADORE cloud cover. I heard Alex remark from the back seat, "I don't think it has been less than 80 degrees since we got here!" It showed 75 very comfortable degrees on the bank thermometer next to us.

Slowly, I am getting the last few boxes unpacked and pretties hung upon the walls. It is amazing how hanging a few family photos and some art on the walls has made such a difference for me. It truly has uplifted my spirits.

Hooooo, Doh-gie! It's HOT!

2011-07-27T22:04:00.000-06:00

Gosh! It was really hot today! With the heat index, it was 114 degrees. I never knew what a heat index was....until I moved here. I learned quickly. We had a lovely thunderstorm roll through a couple of hours ago. Okay, it was maybe a little more turbulent than lovely. The wind blew over trash cans and a cast iron bistro chair! I loved the rain that accompanied the storm. I have always loved rain. It is always so cooling and soothing. The lightning and thunder sure made things more exciting.

I have a deep desire to draw or paint something....I feel blocked though. There is a part of me that feels like this isn't a place where I am supposed to spread out some art supplies and make a mess. It is a comfortable home, but it doesn't feel like my home yet. I wondered if I needed to paint some walls or something. Well, that is a definite thing! There will have to be some paint in here somewhere. These white walls are making me a little crazy. I have several pieces of art hanging on the walls and that helps. I still have boxes to unpack and before I can do that, I have to get more shelves. Sigh! Oh the joys of moving into a new home.

I just need to settle and get comfy here, I think. I used to love to sit out in my garden in the mornings to enjoy my coffee, but it is so blasted hot when I wake up, I never want to sit outside. I find myself longing for Fall.

For now, hubby and I are trying to adjust to living together. He is an early riser....and I am a night owl. I like having my computer in the bedroom so I can come in here and close the door to escape the chaos of a large family if needed. And, as always, I just seem to work better everyone in the house is quietly resting. Makes sense, eh?

I just want to find a comfortable groove .... into which I can settle and be productive.

Twists and Turns

2011-07-18T13:59:00.001-06:00

It's been a week since I learned how sick my dad is.

Stage 4 lung cancer. Ruthless, unforgiving and most certainly unforgivable.

My emotions have been all over the board through the past week. In some moments, I feel like I want to laugh again. The next moment, I start crying. So many memories have flooded my brain, too. Like all the jack-o-lanterns my dad carved because I didn't want to touch the slimy pumpkin guts and the time Dad took me to the father-daughter ice cream social for the girl scouts troop I was in and all the beautiful decorations for my wedding that he hauled across the country for three days from South Carolina to Colorado for my wedding last September....and how he knew I needed a new car ... so he searched eBay and found my PT Cruiser in

My dad has been my go-to guy. I knew that if I had an issue, I could talk with him and he would listen and usually had some good advice for me to work through the "stuff".... now, I am here in his house....and between his naps, I try to make the most of every little bit I can get.

I told him how much I am going to miss him. He told me I am going to be all right. I told him, maybe so, but this is just too soon. I am not ready for him to go anywhere. He reminded me that sometimes we can't choose these things. I told him I sure didn't think it's fair. He told me that we all have lessons to learn and teach and I said to him the thing that crossed my mind on Monday night. I told him how I was yelling at Rob that night and I told Rob that I thought it was the dumbest thing I had heard of .... learning a lesson by losing your dad.

That Monday night, Rob asked me if I thought I wanted to meet with and talk with the Chaplain. I looked at him. My expression on my face was one of disbelief. I asked him, "Why would I want to talk to her??!!" he suggested . "Grief counseling....?" I was irritated by that. I said, "No! No, I don't want to go talk to the chaplain. I don't want to talk to her about grief counseling....DAMMIT! I don't want to grieve my dad! My dad is too young and he should not be sick enough to have a short prognosis and NO! I don't want grief counseling because I don't want GRIEF!" Rob sat and looked at me. I know he was worried about me.

I was so angry that night. I was starting new classes in school. I sat down at my computer and reviewed the classes' requirements. I learned that the art course was mostly about learning to draw a human figure. I sat at my desk and started at the computer screen as the cursor blinked in perfect rhythm. It crossed my mind that I am not going to live forever and why the hell should I challenge myself to learn how to draw a human figure if someday I am just going to die, too? This whole life concept just suddenly made no sense to me at all! I mean sure if someone challenged me, I could produce a logical answer, but really, why do we have to live if we just end up dying?

I am a mother and I love my children with every fiber of my being. I thought about how some day, my children and I will go through this. It broke my heart a little more.

I thought of my very dear friend, Susan. Susan's first-born drowned. She had to bury her own child. I could not fathom that pain. I thought about what it was like to see my Grandmother go through the dying process for the same diagnosis that my dad was given. It was so painful to witness. She was my grandmother and somewhere in my heart, I managed to work through it and accept. For whatever reason, I felt like we as people find it easier to embrace when it is a grandparent. But now, I am losing a parent and this hurts like hell. I hate that it is cancer. I hate seeing how weak and pale he has become. I hate knowing that when he eats food for his own hunger, he is feeding that damned tumor that is crushing his ability to breathe. I hate that when he is so sleepy it is because of the tumor stealing him away from us a little bit at a time. I hate all of that so much.

No, Thank You.

2011-07-12T20:22:00.011-06:00

I waited to hear back from Karen. She was going to tell me what the doctors told her. I hadn't heard anything. I sent her a text message asking how things were looking. She called me right away. I answered. She said, "It doesn't look good, Kelly." I asked, "What are they saying?"

The day before, Karen called me to tell me she had taken my dad to the emergency room at the hospital because of a cough he couldn't get rid of and she told me his hematocrit numbers were in the single digits. She also told me he'd lost 35 pounds in six weeks' time. I knew it was cancer. I knew it was lung cancer. I tried to not think about it.

When I asked her what the doctors told me, she confirmed it. My dad has lung cancer.

I fell into a heap on the floor in the hospital where I was. I was there with my children having routine asthma check ups. Suddenly, the world faded away and it was just Karen on the phone...and myself. I was sobbing.

I pulled myself together enough to ask, "How big is it? Has it spread? Are they saying anything about whether or not it is treatable? I mean....what now!??"

She cried softly and said, "We just don't know yet. He is having the biopsy done now. We will know more when they are finished."

I couldn't believe it. The news was just too much. I felt like I could never believe it. I talked with Karen for a short while. When I felt I had enough information, I told her, "I need to call my sister. I will call you in a while." We hung up.

I dialed my sister's phone number. She answered. I tried to be calm. I asked her to call our mother with the three-way dialing feature. She did. When I knew that we were all three on the phone, I told them, "I am calling with sad news. Dad has cancer."

There was a quiet pause. Danielle sounded calm and collected. I listened to my mom and sister talk a little bit back forth about how maybe it was treatable and maybe my dad would pull out of this one like he has so many other scary things. Somehow, in my bones I just knew "This is it! I am losing my dad. This is going to take my dad from me." Eventually, all three of us were crying and reminiscing and checking plane fare prices and laughing and then crying again." The three-way phone call ended and my children and husband sat on the tile floor around me. I stared off into space trying to make sense of it. I remembered that when I packed my boxes to move, I knew that as soon as I got here, I was going to deal with cancer. I didn't know who, I didn't know when, I didn't know any of that, I just knew that someone had cancer and I would find out after I got here.....and I did...and now I am mad! I even said, "I'm losing my dad." Ryan scolded me and said, "Don't say that!" I think he was holding on to any shred of possibility.

When I called Karen again later, she told me she'd seen the x-rays and the tumor was quite large. Later, I was told there are tumors in both of his lungs and it has spread to other areas.

I cried a lot of tears yesterday. I thought I had cried so much that I couldn't cry any more. And then I would cry some more.

When I woke up this morning, my house was quiet. My head hurt. The pain was a textbook migraine headache. I wanted to sleep some more. My eyelids felt stuck closed, but after more-than-usual effort, they opened. They hurt, but they opened. I sat up in my bed and felt mad. Just. Plain. Angry. I thought: "Um...NO! This was not the storyline I chose or planned! I will take my money back and we can try this again!" I sat in the quiet room and relived all the horror of news I'd received the day before. I think part of my mind was trying to make sure I understood it all again. I was sure I wasn't asleep. I was sure it was real and true.

I got up out of bed and shuffled across the room to the bathroom. I knew my eyes and face were so swollen from all the crying. I looked at my reflection and felt so sad for me. My eyes were red and puffy. They looked like they were literally blistered. There were big, black circles under my eyes. I touched my ring fingers to them. They hurt. I thought, "My GOD! I seriously don't think my eyes have EVER been like this from crying....." I shuffled my way back to my bed. I didn't want to be anywhere but there. I laid my head back on my pillow and thought of my dad. I wondered how much more time I would have to be able to call him and talk to him whenever I want to. The hot, salty tears welled in my eyes and spilled out onto my face. Now, my eyes felt like they were burning. I wondered if anyone had ever cried so much as I had.

I pulled myself together again and I called my dad. He answered.
I said, "Good morning!"
He sounded a little winded, but said, "Good morning!"
I asked, "Did you get any sleep last night?"
He said, "Yeah! I did! Did you?"
I said, "No, Dad. No, I didn't. I think I am just too sad."
He said, "I think we all are."
More tears came. My throat felt like it was closing off. I fought for a breath and blurted out, "I am not ready for you to go anywhere! Who am I supposed to call when I feel sad? Who will be my cheerleader, Dad?"
He tried to remind me that I could turn to God. I said, "But when I need to hear you tell me you're proud of me or that I am doing a good job...." He cut me off and reminded me again that God is in my corner. I sighed and angrily shouted, "That's all well and good, but dammit it isn't the same, Dad! I still need to physically hear you say those things to me!"
He said, "I know. I know. You're right. It isn't the same."

My heart hurts too much to remember how the conversation ended.

My dad has made a choice for comfort ... not treatment.

My heart is broken.

Walking on Sunshine

2011-06-30T12:42:00.003-06:00

We went for a walk last night and heard the cicadas in the trees. Someone once told me they warn of hot weather to come. Today, our weather advisory read simply "VERY HOT" ... and it is. It is 103 degrees very hot. And today, I am quite thankful for air conditioners to keep us cool and happy.

Java Venus Is Alive!

2011-03-30T23:08:00.003-06:00

Poor Ryan! He had a minor surgery on his hand today. While we were in Castle Rock, I convinced him that I needed to make a quick pass through The Barn. There is always soooo much eye-candy there. I was sure I could go through and window shop in less than....well....a certain increment of time. I strolled through at a much quicker than usual pace. I really was trying to be mindful of my son who waited in the car for me.

I made a quick and small purchase of a vintage book and had a quick conversation with the cashier about my purse and how she thinks I look like a celebrity she remembered from her youth. I giggled and walked out the door.

Tonight when I was scanning through the cell phone snaps I had collected during my perusing all those lovely booths, I held my phone out so Ryan could see the screen displaying the lovely chandelier. I knew he would have no interest in the photograph. I said, "See what you missed, Ryan?" He said in a sarcastic tone, "Oh sure! I sure missed out....on....a....lot."

He had a pain in his hand and missed out on all the lovely pretties......poor fella!

One World One Heart

2011-01-30T15:18:00.006-07:00

Hello! I have decided to participate in this fun, worldwide blogging event again. This will be my third year and I understand the event hostess has declared this will be the last one she will have. It's a lot of fun to have visitors from all over the world come to visit my blog. So, whether you're from my own little country of the US of A or from far, far away, I am so glad you're here. It's nice to meet you.

Want to play along with us? Click on the lovely graphic at the beginning of the post or click HERE and you will be able to read all about how to play, too!

I have two door prizes for you to win.

The first door prize is this photograph! It is a 5 x 7 original photo by me, signed by me. It will be just the photograph as I believe framing is a personal choice

The other prize is this adorable, spiral bound Queen Bee Journal with artwork by one of my favorite artists: Mary Engelbreit!

Just leave me a comment in the comments box so I know you're interested and on February 17th, I will choose a name and when I do, I will post the name of the winner and then I will ask that you send me your mailing address so your prize can be mailed to you. This is open to anyone with a blog!

Bonne chance!!

All You Need Is Love

2011-01-24T22:09:00.002-07:00

...love is all you need....

Scenes From a Coffee Shop

2011-01-19T16:10:00.002-07:00

We've decided this is a neat little place. They offer a warm, safe, cozy environment to have a cup of coffee, meet a client, treat a friend, or just linger. Kait does quite well with our weekly visits here. She listens to her headphones and get her assignments done. Me? Well, I play with photos and various softwares, I send text messages, I check my email, I visit with the baristas or the patrons. I need to focus! Ha!

I just love the little cardstock cutouts of little jovial mice on the walls. The touch of whimsy is fun. See ya next week at Grumpy's!

Grateful Five

2011-01-15T23:12:00.002-07:00

I don't usually like to use the same photos on both of my blogs, but this one turned out so beautifully, I just had to post it here, too. I have a 365 Project going on over at Under a Java Moon. I am really happy with it so far. I definitely do enjoy having the challenge of taking a photograph every single day. I love the visual record we end up with when the project is done.

I haven't made a list of five lately. I thought I might get something good from it...so here it goes! In this moment, I am thankful for:

Technology providing us when text messages.
My family...every single member.
pain relieving medications...I suffered a minor back injury yesterday, but it felt MAJOR!
pencils, paper and drawing
plants

Coffee Date

2011-01-13T21:48:00.003-07:00

Tuesday coffee with mom got moved to Grumpy's. She was running late, my car wouldn't start. It seemed the entire morning was a comedy of errors. She suggested and treated the coffee and the muffins.

Grumpy's is a blend of corporate mandated standards for consistently good coffee and original coffee house atmosphere with some original art. I enjoyed it!

I guess you could say I'm a new fan of Grumpy's!

A Big Wheel

2011-01-13T12:38:00.003-07:00

I feel so badly that I haven't been a faithful blogger as I used to be. My schedule has become a little heavier than it was before, but I love to come here and catch up on my friends' blogs, etc. One of my friends and I have decided to work on 365 projects. Not the same project, but our own projects simultaneously. I am grateful to have a companion who helps keep me motivated. I was doing really well with keeping it updated, then as my wedding date approached, things kind of fizzled out. Jeanette approached me with the idea of starting it again. We decided the start of the new year would be a good time to get them going.

Kaitlyn started online high school at the start of the new year as well. She's worked on her studies for a week now and already feels like it's been a good move for her as she is enjoying the independent, self-paced study and believes that she is getting so much more out of her education. The day that we met the administrators for the online high school, we decided to spend a little time downtown denver. This was one of the fun scenes. It was a cold day. Kaitlyn and I walked a short distance and we began to talk about what we wanted for lunch. Kaitlyn started giggling. I followed her gaze and saw this old bicycle. I had to laugh, too, because I saw the antique-style bike with a modern bike helmet hanging from the handlebar parked outside the cell phone store...the modern mixed with the antiquity was an interesting blend. And look at how the lady is craning her neck to check out the old bicycle! She was captivated, too. I wonder if she was wondering the same thing we were...."Did someone REALLY ride that to the cellphone store?"

I love this shot.

Christmas Break

2010-12-29T15:08:00.001-07:00

We're just taking it easy. We're enjoying each other's company and eagerly anticipating a winter storm.

Wishing you gentle times in which you play on the floor, watch lots of movies, sip some hot chocolate and just be still.

Home Cookin'

2010-12-21T12:40:00.003-07:00

My mom and I have been making a regular time to spend time together. It's been enjoyable. I've found it a fun way to prompt me to try a new recipe once in a while.

Today's recipe was one I would definitely like to make again...It's quick to assemble and smells sooooo good while it's baking and tastes DELICIOUS! Here is the recipe so you can try it, too!

Sour Cream Blueberry Cake

1 C. Butter

2 C. Sugar

2 Eggs

1 C. Sour Cream

1/2 t. Vanilla Extract

2 C. Cake Flour

1/4 t. Salt

1 t. Baking Powder

1/2 C. Blueberries, well drained

Filling:

1/2 C Brown Sugar, packed

1 t. Cinnamon

1/2 C. Chopped Nuts

Mix until combined.

Cream butter & sugar; add eggs. Fold in sour cream and vanilla. Sift together dry ingredients. Add to mixture. Fold in blueberries. Pour 1/3 batter into a greased and floured fluted cake pan. Sprinkle with half the filling mixture. Pour 1/3 batter over top. Sprinkle with remaining filling. top with remaining batter. Gently swirl cake to lightly mix. Bake at 350 degrees F for one hour. Cool and invert onto a cake plate. Dust with powdered sugar. Serves 12 to 16. ENJOY!!

Still Alive!

2010-12-06T11:35:00.002-07:00

Yes! I am still alive!

This weekend, I got a sweet reminder from a sweet friend. It was something like this: "Just a friendly reminder that you haven't updated your blog in about a month."

I put my phone down and said, "REALLY?!?!?"

Sure as the world! I looked at my blog and she was right! I tried to update this weekend, but time just keeps slipping faster and faster.

I've been keeping myself very busy with keeping up with demands from the everyday schedule and this year, too, I challenged myself to hand knit stockings for every one in the family. WOW! I am happy to say, I just got Quincy's stocking off the needles this morning. I just have one more stocking to knit for Amanda's beau and then that project will be complete. I am very happy to have met the challenge. I love seeing all those stocking lined up in a row like that. All the different colors that each kid chose. They selected the stripes and solid patterns, too. Quincy's has ended up being everyone's favorite...I tried to get him to trade me. He said he would at first, then when he saw his cute little stripy stocking progressing, he decided that he just needed to keep it for himself. His is the one on the far right.

Thank you, sweet girl, for your gentle reminder. I really do miss this space and will keep coming back. I promise.

Just A Few Words...

2010-11-15T00:16:00.003-07:00

It's all good.

Oh! and I wanted to share a song with you!! Shawn Mullins' "Light You Up" is pretty amazing....take a listen! Decide for yourself!

Thankfulness

2010-11-13T10:44:00.005-07:00

November is the month in which we observe and celebrate Thanksgiving. Several years ago, I hit a bump in my life path and found that I felt sad a lot. During that time, I remembered seeing an episode of the Oprah Winfrey show in which she mentioned the book title "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach. Sarah's book contained some encouragement for thanksgiving - not the holiday, but the simple act of giving thanks. Readers are instructed to find five things at the end of every day for which they are thankful. It seemed like such and easy thing to do, but in that deep sadness of my divorce, there were days it was all I could do to think of one. It was usually my thankfulness for my five children.

To this day, I sincerely believe that this little exercise really helped me get through that darkness and sadness because I started feeling thankful for a little piece of gum. To me, that thankfulness was equal to happiness. Even if it lasted for twenty minutes, I definite did feel happy. I started to really take note of everything in my life I did have. I wasn't focusing anymore on what I didn't have. I know this may seem silly, but I even began to realize I was thankful for sunshine and so on and so on.

My encouragement to you is that if you're ever feeling down, sit down and make a list of things you have for which you are thankful. If five is too much, then start with one thing. IT WORKS! Saying thank you isn't just good manners! It's beneficial THERAPY!

Today, my list of five things is:

my wonderful children. Each is so different and so wonderful. They make me feel so proud every day.
My husband. He is so supportive of all my endeavors.
Hot coffee. It's the stuff that helps get me really going in the morning.
creativity. I have to have this in my live EVERY day. HAVE TO.
my computer. It works and it is amazing.

...and a bonus item: thank YOU for reading my blog.

The House That Built Me

2010-11-01T23:50:00.004-06:00

When I was growing up, my parents moved around a lot. I was a shy child and the moves were uncomfortable and even a bit painful.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had this notion that I wanted my kids to graduate with some of the same kids with whom they had gone to kindergarten. My firstborn baby eventually became a kindergartener. I registered her for school and away she went. In the blink of an eye, she was finished with high school. She attended schools in the same district the entire time. I was so thrilled that I had given her the continuity I wished for her before I'd even laid eyes on her. I have a son who also graduated recently with some of the kids who were in his kindergarten class. It really meant a lot to me.

A few weeks ago, my younger daughter and I were driving in the car. Kaitlyn is a junior in high school. On this particular day, she was so excited about a song she wanted me to hear. She looked it up on the internet and played it for me. It is a beautiful song by Miranda Lambert about a girl who grew up in a house and as an adult needed to go back and feel that connection. As the song played, I listened and I felt the tears well in my eyes.

When the song was over, Kaitlyn asked, "Don't you think that song is so cool?"

I said, "Well, it is a lovely song. But what I think is cool is that YOU think it is cool!"

She could see that the song moved me to tears. I explained to her that I'd fought so hard for them to have that deep-rooted connection. I told her that her enthusiasm for this song told me she has it....she "gets" the reason for my determination to stay here for so long. This little gray house is the only house every one of my children has known. I brought them each home from the hospital as newborn infants to this place. The colors on the walls have changed, the floor looks different, too. But this is the house that has built them.

Go ahead! Have a listen....click here!

The House That Built Me

by Miranda Lambert

Fire in the Sky

2010-10-30T17:19:00.003-06:00

A List of Five...

I feel especially thankful for:

...All the beauty that surrounds me in this world...

...The glorious change in seasons...

...A refreshing glass of iced water...

...The health of my family...

...Creativity...

I am getting ready to pursue a very big dream I've had for a very long time. It is going to be a very time consuming endeavor. I am happy to have the support of my family and friends. I plan to maintain this blog as I have time and energy. I hope you'll stay with me through this journey!

XOXO!

Reminiscing....

2010-10-24T14:43:00.002-06:00

I don't have a lot of words today.

I've been feeling sad about a few things and today, I felt happy looking back through little photo collections on my computer. This one made me smile. It was from Mother's Day this year.

That was a really good day.

Knit One, Purl One

2010-10-21T14:29:00.003-06:00

I saw a picture of a sweater similar to this one in a knitting magazine. I loved the sweater and decided it was something I could handle knitting. I bought the magazine for the pattern. There is a matching hat, too. I started it on Monday this week. I still have to knit the sleeves for this, but my hope is that Quincy can either wear it to school tomorrow or to Gramma Margie's birthday party on Saturday. Needless to say: It knit up quickly! Yay! I love fast-moving projects....not to mention that for me, knitting stripes is very addicting! I might even have time to squeeze in that crazy color combo request of Quincy's. He wants a Halloween sweater in black, orange and green. ;)

Sunshine On My Shoulders

2010-10-19T18:21:00.002-06:00

I was messing around with my daughter's cell phone and caught this lovely image. I was thrilled with it! That was when I asked her, "Who knew clutter could look so pretty?" She looked over my shoulder and exclaimed, "That is so cool, Mom!" Now, both of our phones have this image as our wallpapers.

Looking at it makes me think of John Denver's Song Sunshine On My Shoulders

I hope you are feeling happy, too!

Autumnal Vibrations

2010-10-17T21:11:00.005-06:00

autumnal |ôˈtəmnəl|adjectiveof, characteristic of, or occurring in autumn

Just the word itself seems so fancy yet makes me feel almost giddy. This is my absolute favorite time of year. As a child, I could never quite grasp why so many people were so animated by their enchantment by this stretch of three months. Then, it actually seemed ... pointless. The trees were dying and everything was brown and ugly. It took a level of maturity to appreciate that the trees really only stay these brilliant colors for a short window of time. It really IS a special time, I think.

Now, as an adult, the allure comes from a perfect mix of the cooler temperatures, the light seems to shift to a richer amber, the sky is a more brilliant blue, the thoughts of warmer foods like soups being simmered all day and then eaten with my family around our dinner table. For me, autumn means warm woolen sweaters, rich colored leaves to decorate the trees in the neighborhood, icy cold floors to greet my toes first thing in the morning. There are so many reasons to love this season. What are your reasons for loving this season?

Currently, I am limping along while my regular lens is "in the shop." I hope to have it back soon. I sure do miss it. I have used an older auto focus lens, but it was injured, too, and using it just annoys me. I am reminded why I decided to go ahead and just replace it. Right now, I am using only my 50mm lens that came as a kit lens with my very first SLR camera as a gift to me from my parents for my 15th birthday. Yes! I STILL have it. And...YES it works on my DSLR. I've done a little experimenting with it. While I wouldn't use it to shoot a wedding....at least not exclusively, I am grateful I can use it to capture some fun shots like this one.

During this time of learning patience with the repair shop, I have tried to relax a little more when snapping away and I am not even looking for technically correct images. Not every photo that works well hast to be completely thought out or possess technical strength I just want to have fun and I simply cannot go a single day without taking a photo.

Before my post production edits, this capture includes those happy, crisp-white, puffy clouds backed by absolute cerulean. It also include the nearly naked top branches of tree across the street from my house. I sat on my cement stoop in my bright pink striped jammy pants. My feet were bare. The sun was shining. The air was warm. This was a beautiful moment I wanted to freeze forever......don't you ever have those?

All On A Saturday Night!

2010-10-17T12:22:00.001-06:00

We were invited to spend the evening with a friend and her son. We were on our way to their house when I spied this most lovely sunset. I know I say it a lot, but I truly feel blessed to live in such a beautiful place on this planet. I've also said a lot that, "When God made Colorado, He was showing off!" I know there are other beautiful places on this planet, but I am particularly fond of Colorado!

I just loved this door art welcoming us.

Inside, there was an abundance of warmth, friendship and delicious food.

Thank you, God, for my wonderful friends! And thank you, Rose. We had a delightful time!

Milestones

2010-10-11T22:44:00.002-06:00

Also in my recent absence, I celebrated another birthday! We LOVE birthday celebrations around here. My children gave me a lovely little party. They selected Cilantro Enchiladas and Amanda's friend sent me a beautiful carrot cake. It was a wonderful little party! We had a terrific time!

Thank you, my sweet babes.

I loved this shot of all the preparation of the cake and Quincy capturing little video clips. I just had to share it here.

One Ringy Dingy! Two Ringy Dingy

2010-10-10T21:43:00.004-06:00

I'm not even sure how we decided on hydrangeas for our wedding flower, but it really worked out well. We used a mix of fresh and silk flowers. My bouquet consisted of fresh white hydrangeas spray painted with the lavender color I loved and then the florist included some lovely ivory roses.

Three days after the wedding, the bouquet still looked fabulous. I decided to play around with it a bit and got some close-up shots....with our rings as I wasn't sure our wedding photographers got a shot like this one. And I really wanted one.

All of the details were just perfect and I loved each of them. I have finally gotten to see our photos from our photographers and I was still just so happy about how the day perfectly unfolded.

A Fourteener

2010-10-08T20:23:00.007-06:00

I wish I could load these photos in chronological order...but blogger is not very user-friendly that way, apparently. So I will share these photos with you of my recent fourteener hike with my sister in the order BLOGGER allows me. It seems to skip around a bit...sorry for the confusion it might cause.

My sister and I decided we needed a little more time together. We decided to hike in the mountains...but we didn't just decide to hike ANY mountain! We decided we wanted to hike a fourteener. For our first hike, we chose Mount Bierstadt. It's elevation reaches 14,060 feet above sea level!

Mount Evans is behind my sister on the left-hand side of this photo. The sawtooth that connects Mount Evans to Mount Bierstadt looks mean and unfriendly! Doesn't it?

This is my sister near the summit. I shot this photo to show the massive boulders we scrambled over to reach the very top.

Very early into our hike, we spied a moose. It was truly a thrill as neither of has ever seen a moose in Colorado.
Near the end of the day; after six hours of hiking, we made it back to the car. We were tired....very tired and really ready to fall into our beds.

At the summit, the air was very thin and made it difficult to breathe and think clearly. In fact, we'd encountered a man who really was in trouble. He was struggling with dizziness and disorientation. He'd hiked up the side of Mount Evans, then over the sawtooth and met us at the summit of Mount Bierstadt. Living in Colorado, we often hear warnings and are cautioned about signs of altitude sickness. After living here for so long and hearing about altitude sickness so much, a person tends to tune it out and maybe even blow it off. I have to admit, I was a little worried when I saw this guy was very clearly confused and I didn't even know him. We encountered another couple. She was a nurse and he was a very experienced hiker. She helped keep the confused hiker from getting into any more possible medical trouble.

Looking over to my right upon reaching the summit, I will admit: I felt a bit squeamish. I was feeling a sense of urgency to get back onto more level ground, for sure!

Once we had gotten to a certain elevation my legs felt so heavy. Each step was small and felt like it took so much effort. Well, because it did! Every hiker huffed and puffed their way up the rocky trail. Some even joked with us as they hiked near us about how we all trudged along.

My sister and I stopped long the way to eat lunch and take in the views. She packed healthy turkey sandwiches to fuel our hungry bellies.

Hey, SissyPoo! I am ready to go again. Are you?

Been A Long Time Gone

2010-10-08T11:22:00.004-06:00

in the time that I have been absent, I've gotten married and my younger daughter got her driver's license. She was pretty darned happy about it!

Pink Cosmos

2010-08-27T20:38:00.004-06:00

I hope you don't mind. That I have shared so many photographs lately of my gardens; my garden has brought me so much joy. I haven't been able to enjoy it as much this summer as I have been distracted by planning for my wedding. It just so happens that my own camera has suffered and injury and while my regular lens is being repaired, my sweet friend, Rose, loaned me her camera so I can make sure that my wedding assignment next weekend is covered. WHEW! So learning a whole new camera system. I speak fluent Nikon. I am taking a crash course in Canon. YIKES! The controls are all so very different. It's a little daunting, but I know that I will be okay.

I have really great friends!

Attitude of Gratitude

2010-08-27T19:12:00.003-06:00

Here is a list of five things for which I feel grateful:

My computer
a sense of humor
Amanda's ability to share
photography
nasal spray that makes it so I can breathe while I sleep...
BONUS GRATEFULNESS: It is the WEEKEND! There is just a wonderful energy surrounding weekends, isn't there?

This delightful pouch of chocolates arrived at my house from my dad and stepmom. It was perfect timing as I was craving chocolate....

Thank you, Dad and Karen, for remembering my birthday. I really enjoyed the very lovely birthday gifts! I wish I could hug you!

Backyard Marvels

2010-08-22T11:25:00.003-06:00

I am not exactly sure what the name of this particularly beautiful plant is, but when I saw it, I knew I had to have one in my garden this year. I was so elated when Ro treated me to this special garden gem. I had a feeling the hummingbirds would just love it.

Sadly, I haven't been able to spend as much time outside as I normally do. I haven't seen any hummingbirds go to it, but I am certain they have indeed found this plant. I enjoy looking at it while I have my coffee on my patio. The flowers' life cycle promotes an interesting display. First the balloon out and explode open in a most vivd red. They stay open for about a week and then the color starts to fade to a yellowish pink. i am sad to say that I know that this lovely vine is an annual. It would be nice if I could enjoy it next season, too, but maybe I will find another lovely plant to fill in this spot in my garden?

This seems like a lovely image for The August Break.

Footloose and Fancy Free

2010-08-21T13:30:00.003-06:00

Put a cape on a boy and suddenly, he has magical super powers!

Young J ran around and there seemed to be no stopping him! We were all certain he could fly!

Attitude of Gratitude

2010-08-16T23:53:00.005-06:00

A List of Five (things for which I feel grateful)

My fantastic children. They are all so unique and each is so wonderful! Amanda, Ryan, Kaitlyn, Alex and Quincy: I want you each to know how very PROUD I am of you and I truly am glad that I get to be YOUR mom!
My man is back in the United States again after his third tour in Iraq. Rob: I am so very proud of you, too! You have made so many sacrifices not only for us, but for people you don't even know...and for people who don't even appreciate it. That is a BIG deal to me!
ABUNDANCE. I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends, and family members...
My creativity.
This absolutely LOVELY green August we've had. Thank you, God for the moisture and the beautiful, green grass!

Tonight, Amanda and I had a lot of fun playing with make-up. Alter, Kaitlyn and I had fun playing with fantastic shoes. Kait suggested I take a few snaps of us. I pulled out my cell phone and snapped a few photos in the bathroom mirror. This was my favorite. I just had to share it here...with you.

Attention, Class!

2010-08-16T23:29:00.003-06:00

It is frightening to think back and realize just how quickly summer vanished! It seems like the kids were just starting to get excited about school being over and Ryan was getting ready to graduate from high school. And now, here we are kicking off a brand new school year. Kait is a junior in high school, Alex is a sevvie and Quincy is starting Kindergarten on Thursday. We celebrated with fresh-baked cinnamon rolls for breakfast and hugs and kisses all around!

I really liked this snap of the two older kids. Some, times, I really miss the old film photographs. You know the ones that our moms put into those practically dripping with chemicals PVC pockets that turned our baby photos a tell-tale orange? Oh! And let's not forget the sometimes delightful grain from the film! Okay, so this image isn't old enough to have the "aged characteristics"....but I love what they do for this image!

Hey, Kids! Here is to a STELLAR school year filled with lots and lots of A's! I love you guys and am so very proud of each and every one of you.

P.S. I signed up to play in Susannah Conway's August Break and have been so scatter brained, I finally remembered to mention this is one post for that challenge!

I Capture Moments

2010-08-15T22:30:00.003-06:00

Barry Manilow may write the songs, but I capture the moments! And while the moments I capture may not make the young girls cry, I certainly hope they make my clients smile!

If memory serves me correctly, this great couple has an anniversary just around the corner!

On Our Way

2010-08-15T00:33:00.004-06:00

We were on our way into the state park this afternoon for my photo assignment when I spied this lovely scene. The kids all looked out my window to see what I saw. I think they were a little disappointed when they saw that it was just little flowers. Perhaps they were expecting some wildlife?

I live in a beautiful place in the world and I love this place. I don't know that I have ever even seen these bright magenta little wildflowers before. I thought they were BEAUTIFUL! Enough so that I really felt compelled to stop my car and snap a photograph.

I know that someday soon, I will have to move away. I'm not sure how far, but I do feel a little sad that I have loved this place for so long and that I will have to leave it. I also feel so very excited at the opportunities I will be given and new things I will learn, see, new foods to taste and new friends I will make.

Sheryl Crow just might be right...a little change could do me good!

I Love The Java Jive!

2010-08-15T00:17:00.002-06:00

I love coffee sweet and hot!

Indeed! I love hot coffee. I love iced coffee. Heck! I have been looked at with crossed eyes, when I make it known that even lukewarm coffee is even acceptable.

This morning, when I got back from my run, my whole house smelled so delicious with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Kaitlyn knew I would love a big, strong cuppa hot java. And she was right!

Oh, Madalyn!

2010-08-12T00:42:00.003-06:00

You are beautiful!

Thank you for letting me capture your loveliness today!

300! Giveaway!

2010-08-11T23:05:00.004-06:00

Holy smokes, you guys! This is my 300th post to this blog. I want to celebrate and dance and sing....and give away stuff!!!!!

This stamp set comes right out of my studio. It would go nicely in your collection...don't you think?? You have a chance to win this lovely set of retired Stampin' Up! stamps!

All you have to do is leave a comment on this post. A winner will be chosen on Saturday, August 14, 2010!!!

Good luck!

AND THE WINNER IS: Adee

Adee! If you will send me your e-mail address to kelly dot m dot wilsey at comcast dot net, I will be in contact with you so I can send you your PRIZE!!!!!

Thank you all so much for playing....I hope you will all come back!!! :)Publish Post

Gratitude Five

2010-08-11T01:24:00.004-06:00

If you live in our house, you will be given many wonderful pet names. I adore pet names. They exude endearment. My youngest child's name is Quincy. In his short five years of life, he's been called lots of sweet names: Pookie, Q, Q-Man, Q-Bert to name a few for starters. Since the first letter of his name was one, I slipped one day and called him Q.P. That quickly became Kewpie and Kewpie Doll.

Last week, during one of my sanity breaks, I stopped in to see my friends (and browse antiques) at The Carriage Shops here in town. I stopped in my tracks when I saw this wonderful little Kewpie Doll. I smiled and picked up the tiny plastic doll and knew immediately what I wanted to purchase.

I brought it home to show Quincy exactly what a Kewpie is. Naturally, being a five year old boy, he was not at all amused. I sat and studied the little doll for a short while and just had to giggle about the little airbrushed eyelashes. Both sets are going the same direction!

I really love vintage things. Especially the whimsical vintage things!

for my list of five:

Vintage treasures
a weekend with my man who just came home from hist third tour in Iraq
the invitations will go out in the mail tomorrow morning
UPS and FedEx delivery people
A very lovely GREEN August. (I don't think I can ever remember such a treat here in Colorado!)

Simpler Times

2010-08-11T00:53:00.002-06:00

I long for the afternoons that I can go out into my garden and watch the ladybugs, listen to the hummingbirds, and photograph my beautiful flowers. I crave the simpler times when I could sit and watch a movie and knit a sweater for my little boy.

Life has become a crazy whirlwind of the color blue, birds and hydrangeas. Both of my daughters have asked me, "What ARE you going to do when the wedding is all over?" Well, I know that there is a lot of hustle and bustle now for all the preparations we have to make, but I can't hardly wait until I am married and can just sit back and R-E-L-A-X. The tension is really starting to become something of a challenge.

I must confess: I do feel so giddy when the UPS trucks stop in my street and the man dressed in brown delivers a package to the front door and it is something beautiful for our special day. I was tickled pink today when two deliveries were made. I told Rob about the first one, but insisted that the second delivery must remain a surprise until the perfect moment reveals itself.

This wedding is proving to be my biggest DIY project, indeed! I will be so elated to have my friends and family gather around us and wish us well and enjoy our special day. I have paid very close attention to every detail. Until the day we say "I do," I will enjoy my morning coffee. And I will rest easy knowing that the simpler times will return.

Sometimes I am lucky enough to get to enjoy a few moments of togetherness with my children for a Saturday morning coffee club.

Happiness is ...

2010-08-04T23:29:00.002-06:00

The warm sun in the big, blue sky...

Happy, smiling, well-adjusted children...

green grass all around....

I have had the pleasure of photographing these siblings twice now. They are such happy, wonderful kids! We had a great time eating huge suckers and playing in the tall grass!

Thank you, Katie, for allowing me to record these moments of you and your children.

Another Picture of the Hollyhocks

2010-08-04T02:41:00.002-06:00

Hey, look! It's another picture of the hollyhocks. Usually when these beauties are gone, the temperatures start to drop. I can hardly believe my kids will all be back in school soon.

I have been so immersed in wedding planning details that I have hardly really taken notice of the world around me. Except when I was at the local discount department store, I noticed a gal changing out an end-cap of candles. I inquired about my favorite scent Mulled Cider. I usually burn one votive candle for every year of my age on my birthday and I LOVED to use those candles. The friends associate checked her plans and discovered that Mulled Cider was not on the list. I was so disappointed. Looks like I will have to decide on a new favorite, perhaps?

Just One Of Those Days

2010-07-29T17:00:00.003-06:00

The sun burned bright and hot this morning. I thought about going for a run. Then I thought about just sitting quietly and enjoying a cup of coffee. That sounded much better than running in the heat.

Early this afternoon, the storm clouds rolled in and covered us in a veil of beautiful diffused light. Then cool, cleansing, refreshing rain fell. Such sweet relief!

These sunflowers were used in a shoot earlier in the week. They stood so majestically on my kitchen counter in a Mason jar of water. I scooped them up and placed them in my favorite shooting area of my dining room and I pressed the shutter. This was a 7-ish second exposure.

I love this capture!

Ahhhh, Summer!

2010-07-22T21:03:00.003-06:00

I really love summer. I love to run around barefoot, with capris and sleeveless tops. I love the smell of sunscreen and how the world smells after a good rain shower.

This summer has been a really good year for my hollyhocks. They're just really big and fluffy and perfectly pink and beautiful. I did not even try to grow vegetables this summer. I knew I would be too distracted. I did not even want to try! I bought a few annuals and really focused on my perennials.

Tonight, I got home and sat on my garden swing until the mosquitoes found me. Let me tell you: That was not long at all! I saw a few hummingbirds at the feeders which prompted me to run inside to get my long lens. I got back and sat patiently for about ten minutes hoping one would come by....but I was not so lucky. It was as if thy were playing coy I was pretty disappointed, actually. as the light was gorgeous. I will just have to try again.

Attitude of Gratitude

2010-07-22T20:19:00.002-06:00

I haven't made a list of five lately...

Giggly girlfriends

My children

My clothes are fitting better

Stamping Date Tomorrow

Twinkle Lights

Blue

2010-07-18T20:11:00.003-06:00

It's been hot. Unbearable, in fact. The kids have spent quite a bit of time in the pool....where it's cool. I am too afraid, still, to shed the street clothes and don a teensy swimsuit so I sit on the patio in the shade of the blue umbrella that was supposed to be red. I really had my heart set on a red umbrella, but by the time I got to the store to get mine, they had blue, black and brown. The blue umbrellas were $20 less. I guess you can figure how difficult it was for me to decide on the blue one, right? Now that i have it home and it is set up on the patio, I am actually quite satisfied with the blue umbrella. I think it's really pretty. Earlier in the season, I picked up some twinkle lights designed specifically for umbrellas.....so of course I NEEDED the umbrella to go with the lights....right? .....and you know just how much I love twinkle lights, don't you?

What You See Is What You Get

2010-07-15T01:27:00.002-06:00

It may not seem like much to you, but when I saw these goggles hanging from the curtain tie back, I just knew I needed to record how beautifully and softly the light played in the folds of the tired fabric that hangs in my living room. The Damask texture is so clear and the soft aqua blue in the rubber seals on the goggles. This photo is SOOC ... other than resizing the image for uploading and storage purpose and the watermark, there have been no other edits.

I love that.

Catching Up!

2010-07-14T23:31:00.002-06:00

This was such a lovely morning. I was photographing the light and how it reflected off my favorite "Anthro mug" and the pink in the vintage thrift store vase and the daisies and just generally drinking it all in when my big, marshmallow cat, Jitter, arrived on scene. He loves flowers! Really! Seeing the fresh daisies from the garden must've been just too much for him to resist. First he sniffed them, then he licked them. I knew eating them came next. I snapped a picture of him before he made brunch of them. I really love how all the colors pop.

It's been hot the past couple of days. Uncomfortably hot. I have a friend who lives in Arizona who just laughs at me when I whine about the heat. One hundred fifteen degrees is not uncommon at her house. But! I know she wouldn't be very comfortable in our 20-degree winters! Haha! I love you, Nettie!

Another shot of the fresh daisies. I have to say: They just aren't as spectacular as they were last summer. We had a bad storm on the fourth of July and the hail really beat them up. Poor things......

Lovely List

2010-07-01T22:59:00.002-06:00

A few things about me that you might like to know: (these items are not listed in any particular order!)

i love my children, i love my man, I love God, i have a newfound love for hydrangeas, i love my camera and seeing photos that come from it. I love sappy love songs and singing them loudly...not necessarily well. I love knitting, crocheting, sewing and quilting. I love wearing swishy skirts, dangly earrings and perfume. I love seeing sunlight through the petals of the flowers in my garden. I love farmer's markets and open air antiques shows. I love thrifting. I love twizzlers, swedish fish and orange slices...(the gumdrop candies). I have an amazing coffee cup collection that I feature in almost daily coffee tags with my cell phone. I am almost 40! i love wearing jammy pants all day long...but not out to the store. I love my friends. I love sharpie markers. i love happy snail mail. I love the beach, the ocean and beachcombing. i love laughing so hard I get tears in my eyes. I love blogs. I love keeping one; i love reading them. I love hearing my kids on the other end of the phone line telling me they love me. I love my mom, my dad and my sister, my brother-in-law and my nieces and nephew, my step dad, and my step mom, my aunts, my uncles and my cousins!! I love my cats: Jitter and Jack. I love the way Michael's and Joann's stores smell. I love my bed. I love sleeping!

Speaking of which....i think i am going to call this good and head off to the land of nod right now!

Nighty night!

xoxo

Beauty Surrounds

2010-06-30T22:21:00.003-06:00

Today started with me wishing I could go back to bed and demand a do-over. Instead, I faced it all and got through.

In the end, I am here to say: I absolutely love those kinds of days when everything lines up and everything clicks together in a perfect rhythm. I'm sure you know what I mean! I'm talking about that feeling where your heart swells four sizes and all is right in the world.

To Die For

2010-06-27T01:41:00.002-06:00

It's just not fair! Is it, girls? The little boys always seem to get the gorgeous lashes!

Finally!! It works!!!!

2010-06-27T01:02:00.003-06:00

I can't believe how much I had to try and try to get this video here for your enjoyment.....But here it is! Enjoy!

Rising to the Challenge

2010-06-26T22:11:00.003-06:00

Being part of a new community, a new website was suggested to me. I checked it out...and maybe you would like to check it out, too. Inspiration-Avenue. There are lots of creative people there who like to rise to a fun creative challenge. This week's challenge there is Circus! And what is wonderful is that every medium can be represented. Anyone who is creative can play! Check it out!

This is my first week participating and this is my first submission. A new medium me....for sure! If you look closely, my fifth-born kiddo is even part of this art project!

Fluffy Goodness

2010-06-21T22:58:00.005-06:00

I wish you could smell its perfume.

Summer Solstice

2010-06-21T19:55:00.002-06:00

It's the longest day of the year. What a perfect day to get the pool ready for hours of splashing and fun!

Stay tuned for pool fun pictures!

2010-06-18T21:24:00.003-06:00

Dear 72 degrees Fahrenheit:

I think I love you.

Love,

Boundaries

2010-06-17T13:23:00.004-06:00

boundary |ˈbound(ə)rē|noun ( pl. -ries)a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line : • (often boundaries) figurative a limit of a subject or sphere of activity: a community without class or political boundaries.
Boundaries tell each person what to expect and what is expected. By having boundaries, you still have responsibilities to at least communicate and take care of your issues. The silent treatment is NOT a boundary. The silent treatment is actually a form of emotional abuse.
Setting limits or boundaries does not give license to avoid the issue at hand.

Expression

2010-06-16T23:53:00.006-06:00

This is my set of virgin watercolor brushes. I really like them. I chose them for their long rubber textured grip handles and their soft bristles (and the affordable price.) I used to have a set of pretty yellow-handled brushes. When I bought them several years ago, the lady at the art supply store was excited about the brand name. To me their brand was unimportant. I just needed brushes. At this present time, I don't know the whereabouts of those brushes. My kids would tell me, "They're somewhere, Mom!"

Uh huh!

Do kids really appreciate the difference of a $30 paintbrush? I wonder if I even would at this stage in the game....LOL

I took classes with Wanda several years ago, but life has a funny way of happening, donchaknow? The palette got tucked away in one corner, the tubes of watercolors in another dark place, the brushes claimed by another family artiste, and the passion was even tucked away. I gave up watercolor.

One day this last April, I sifted through some old papers. I stumbled across a greeting card I'd painted for my gramma. Sadly, I'd never sent it to her. She never got to see it; she never got to receive it...or feel that joy of having someone send a hand painted card. Luckily for me, though, I still have it and it was the perfect prompt for me to call my paint instructor and inquire about classes again. I collected all old art tools and headed off to class. I've even already gotten my first commission!

...and at the time of this posting, I have painted with the brushes. They work quite well.

Colorado Skies

2010-06-16T19:09:00.002-06:00

The sky had so much character the night Amanda drove so I could capture images.

Been A Long Time Gone....

2010-06-16T13:35:00.001-06:00

...but here I am....gearing up again.

Thanks for sticking around continuing to come back to check to see if I am still here. I am.

Wishing you a gentle Wednesday.

Thank you, Colette!!

2010-06-16T11:32:00.001-06:00

It worked!!!

What???

2010-06-15T23:28:00.000-06:00

I know I haven't posted in a while....but the photo posting is all different? Apparently, posting photos from your computer is no longer permitted???

That makes Miss Java a bit of a grumpy blogger.....

Back to the drawing board. Will check things out and be back soon.

Not A Lot of Words....

2010-05-17T23:56:00.005-06:00

...just two of my loves....

...some puffy clouds.....

...some beautiful spring green...

and a little poetry to start this week.

"Emerge"

Opening.

Ready to grow out, forward.....UP!

Ready to let go! Ready to thrive!

Ready to receive! Ready to give!

Duck Feeding 101

2010-05-04T23:48:00.004-06:00

Step 1: Stand on the bank of the pond and say: "Heeeeeeerrrrrrre, Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!:

Step 2: Say hello to the ducks and show them the leftover french fries from your lunch. Then toss them into the water.

Step 3: Giggle, giggle, giggle....then giggle some MORE because when the ducks eat those soggy treats and quack their watery thank yous, that is some funny stuff!

Five things for which I feel grateful today:

Sunshine
Flowering crabapple trees
laughter
photography
I am their mother

Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

2010-05-04T19:41:00.016-06:00

Let's Go Fly A Kite

2010-04-09T20:16:00.002-06:00

We took Quincy's kite out on her maiden voyage today. We really enjoyed flying the kite. The sun in the blue sky so beautiful and when the kite flew, those bright colors of the kite were so eye-catching. At certain angles, the sun's light shone through the kite's bright and crinkly nylon fabric. The whole experience was just beautiful. Once the sun went down, the temperature dropped quickly.

Something You Can Really Sink Your Teeth Into...

2010-04-09T00:13:00.007-06:00

I added a new cookbook to my collection: Artisan Bread In Five Minutes a Day. And the first recipe I tried from it today was for bagels. The dough went together rather easily. Then, after the initial rise, I went ahead and made my first batch of ten bagels. They seem...."lumpy" to me, but then I have to remember that they are a different type of bagel than american bagels. I suppose after I make them a few more times, I will find a rhythm to it and I will be a little more satisfied.

Kaitlyn had been in her room and then came out and caught her first whiff of the treats baking and exclaimed, "Oh my GOSH! IT SMELLS SO GOOD IN HERE!" I think everyone loves the smell of bread baking, right?

We all agreed that our favorite part to this whole bread making adventure was in the eating. We smeared a little cream cheese on the bagels when they were still warm from the oven. It was insanely delicious!

Five

2010-04-08T00:05:00.003-06:00

Here is a list of five things for which I feel grateful right now:

surprise morning snow
shopping excursions
the clicking sound of my keyboard when I type
twinkle lights in my kitchen
jammy pants

Some Random Thoughts

2010-04-06T21:40:00.003-06:00

today....

my mother came over for coffee
i sat in the very cold wind to watch Kait play soccer...it was miserable
i bought a large storage container to store my weekly amounts of bread dough
i read 7 storybooks for Quincy at bedtime...
i made a short list of art supplies i need to get during my next outing
i cursed my hair and can't wait to get it cut by Katie this weekend.
i wished for a new wardrobe

tomorrow....

I'm having coffee with my neighbor
I will send of those pesky tax documents
I will wish for a new wardrobe
I will eagerly anticipate my new hair
I will hope my spool pins for my sewing machine will be in the mail
I will work on crocheting a little more on my wedding dress

Monday! Monday!

2010-04-05T20:51:00.013-06:00

This was one of those weekends that was completely PERFECT! On Saturday, my mom and I took Quincy to hunt eggs at our church's Children's Easter Egg Hunt.

Despite the crazy Colorado springtime wind, we had a great time! Quincy scored a whole bunch of candy in those colorful eggs!

After a Goodwill Hunting with Rachel, my kids and I dyed our own eggs Martha Stewart Style!

On Sunday, my kids and I drove over to my mother's where my sister and her family were also there and we enjoyed a lovely luncheon. Mom had an egg hunt for the younger kids, too. We all had such a lovely time hanging out together and making new memories.

Bubblegum, Bubblegum....

2010-04-02T23:35:00.002-06:00

...in a dish! How many pieces do you wish?

One of every color!

I'm so sad! I somehow lost the entry I posted....so here is the picture again....

....and the link to my blog devoted to picture text messages of coffee www.coffeetagsnow.blogspot.com

If you commented here and the comment is gone, I apologize. This wasn't supposed to happen. Boo to the cyberspace gremlins!

Until next time,

Ms. Java!

Strawberry Shortcake

2010-03-28T22:22:00.003-06:00

Today, after church, Quincy and I went to the store to pick up a few groceries for dinner. Upon entering the store, I spied some clamshell boxes of fresh strawberries. Instantly, I decided on what we'd have for dessert. I selected a box of the best berries in the display. As soon as Quincy saw the plump red beauties in my shopping cart, he started begging for just one strawberry. I told him, that we'd have them in our dessert. I told him we were going to have strawberry shortcake. He looked up at me and told me, "Mom! Strawberry Shortcake is a toy!"

Sweet Sixteen

2010-03-18T09:27:00.003-06:00

My beautiful Daughter, Kaitlyn, turned 16 last week. I was between computers and have just now finally had time to share some of the pictures with you here. Her friends and I all worked together and in less than 24 hours, we created a fun, little surprise party for her.

Kaitlyn wears the silly birthday crown I made for her! She didn't wear it long because she said it made her ears stick out.

We gathered 'round the good stuff!

Kaitlyn and Siv met when they were in preschool at the tender age of two! They've been friends ever since. We invited Siv to Kait's third birthday party. In one of the pictures, you see Siv taking a big inhale because she is ready to blow out the candles. Kaitlyn was too slow and Siv got the candles. Kaitlyn turned around and glared at Siv. So what you see in this picture is a slightly hilarious re-enactment.

I made a few tissue paper flowers for decorations....Amanda decided they looked better on Kaitlyn's head!

Look at all those BEAUTFUL smiles!

We've Only Just Begun

2010-03-10T10:32:00.007-07:00

When I started thinking about the possibility of getting married again, I started thinking about what kind of dress I might like to have. What style I wanted. I dreamed up my dress. I thought I might like to make my own dress. I wasn't sure of the fabrics, but I had a basic idea of the design lines.

One day, I was flipping through a knitting magazine. I saw an advertisement for a knitting book by Nicky Epstein. My heart skipped a beat! THAT WAS IT! IT WAS MY DRESS! I was thrilled! I discovered that the dress was crocheted. I've crocheted for a lot of years and have made a lot of afghans. So I knew I could crochet, but there was one little problem: I couldn't make sense of crochet patterns. I knew the basics, but despite that, reading and understanding crochet patterns would stump me every time. Since my sister is an avid crocheter, I asked her to take a look at the pattern and tell me if she thought it would be too difficult. She told me it looked pretty straightforward and she was certain I could handle it. I decided to go ahead and order my yarn.

I bought one hank of the yarn, took it home and made a few practice motifs. I was so happy!

I eagerly awaited the yarn's arrival. While I waited, I used the yarn to knit a scarf. Upon completion of that project, I decided I wasn't too thrilled with it as it was just a little too fuzzy for the look i wanted with my wedding dress. Alas, the word came that the yarn I ordered had been discontinued. I didn't panic. I was relieved, actually. I re-chose my yarn. I decided to use a yarn called Bahia. It's got a silkiness to it and a lovely sheen.

I found a quiet moment and started working on the pile of motifs I will need to sew together to make my very special dress.

I look at them and I smile. I feel happy in my bones. They're beautiful to see.....and to touch.

I've gotten mixed reviews. Some friends are supportive, some question my sanity....I'm thrilled with my choice. I am also happy to report that after practicing with a few little projects from patterns, I can read crochet patterns! I feel so accomplished! :)

I Miss This Space...

2010-03-06T21:31:00.003-07:00

Due to computer issues, I am somewhat paralyzed as far as posting. I miss posting with photos. Photographs are such an important part of my blogging experience. I've been promised a new "bag of tools" and that tool kit is on its way ... to arrive soon. Hopefully, by the end of this month, I will be back up and running and posting like never before...including photos.

XOXO!
Ms. Java

A Tisket, A Tasket....

2010-02-16T21:20:00.003-07:00

...two Kittehs in a basket!!

Moses and Jick-Jack-Tick-Tack-Rick-Rack-Jack lounge together in this basket. I never know what I will find when I visit the thrift store. My latest score was this cute little kitteh basket bed thing. The cats all LOVE it and rarely will you find it empty. Usually, there are two cats mooshed into it. It was worth every penny of the $2.99 I spent.

Heart Day

2010-02-15T01:04:00.005-07:00

Today...:

...was peaceful.

...I made a list of all my W'sIP (...or is it WIP's?)

...was Valentine's Day

...I did NOT knit one single solitary stitch

...we ate a heart-shaped calzone...It's become a tradition!

...I finished up very late Christmas gifts.

...I baked cookies

...I cried

...I didn't take many photographs

...I threw out two bags of clutter.....YAY!

...My kids smiled because of something I did.

...I hugged each of my five beautiful children...

...I hope for a productive day tomorrow

Attitude of Gratitude

2010-02-14T11:21:00.003-07:00

Today, I find myself grateful for so many things....here are a few:

fresh flowers on my table
skype ... it keeps me connected to my man
intelligent fruit being delivered to my desktop soon
a celebratory dinner menu for this evening to include a heart-shaped calzone
a lovely covering of snow to create more cozy indoors

LuLu

2010-02-12T21:27:00.003-07:00

After all these years of sewing...i think it's been 21 years now, I finally invested in a vintage dress form. I'd seen a dressform in an antiques store a little while ago that looked VERY similar to this one and that one still had the sticker on it that indicated that it was sold by Sears Roebuck & Co. around the 1950's. She is in fairly good condition. I was thinking of naming her LuLu. Why? I dunno! Seems like a good name....

LuLu is wearing my Just Enough Ruffles Scarf.

Self Portrait/Comfy Old Sneakers

2010-02-07T00:07:00.004-07:00

In real life, they're old, and faded red.
They've seen a lot of miles, these Chucks!
Long, dirty laces help keep them on my feet
They go really well with my fun, red and pink striped knee-highs
I wore them to my client meeting today.
They made me smile...all the way to my core.
I'm glad I know how to laugh

Friday Afternoon

2010-02-06T23:22:00.006-07:00

I got to hang out with Amanda for a little bit on Friday. We went to Castle Rock and took in a few of the sights on Perry Street. It was a lovely little breath of fresh air. Of course, I had my camera with me.

When we got home, I baked a little cake for my anniversary celebration. I've lived in my little magic cottage for twenty years. When I struck the matches to light the candles, Quincy asked me, "So.....are we singing happy birthday to you? Or to me?"

Sucker For Love

2010-02-04T11:57:00.003-07:00

Simple and sweet....

Today:

I'm not feeling well...
I snapped several photos for a photo project
I used my sweet little heart mug from Anthropologie for the first time
I was surprised by a little bit of snowfall overnight
I wish my sweetie wasn't so far away
I woke up early and laid in bed and read the new magazines I bought yesterday
I called about a neat place i think would work well for our wedding site
I wish for a window of time for a little nap

Special Delivery

2010-02-02T21:02:00.003-07:00

It arrived today via FedEx...even more beautiful than the day I remember finding it at the jewelry store.

I strolled into the jewelry store that day for giggles and grins. There were several people crowded around the jewlery cases. I wanted to just peek at the bridal jewelry so I started at the far end. One of the store's sales associates came right over to me and asked if she could get anything out of the case for me. I looked into the display. There it was! The EXACT ring I'd imagined. A princess cut center stone flanked by sapphires.

I pointed to the ring under the glass. Renee unlocked the case and pulled the ring out and placed it in my reach. I took it from the display mount and placed it on my finger. It was a PERFECT fit. I just knew it was my ring. .... and now it really is!

Swiftly

2010-01-31T20:30:00.006-07:00

Not a lot of words today. I just wanted to share this picture with you of my little helper curiously watching as my second hank of Berroco Lustra is wound into a ball.

Appreciation

2010-01-27T16:16:00.003-07:00

Things for which I am grateful:

Cats on my windowsill
lots of quilts on my bed
a sweetie who loves me dearly
cold outside, cozy inside
lots of yarn
a stack of wonderful patterns
payday is soon!